So my new LG enV² cell phone arrived today. I got home a few minutes ago, all excited to activate it (it was already charged and ready to go.) I decided to do it online - it’s late, I have to wake up early… this is easiest, thought I.

I went through the three easy steps and got to the “click here to accept the user agreement” page. Well, because I’m just that way, I decided to actually read a bit of the user agreement. I’m used to the usual, “you can’t sue us, we’re not responsible for X, Y, Z, you have to pay your bill, early termination fee” etc. But I’ve had this same account since 1996 so I’m fairly certain I’m still OK with whatever rights they’re taking/leaving.

What caught my eye was that in the second or third paragraph, it mentioned some company (not Verizon - let’s call them “United Sprocket Co.”) and said that by checking the “I accept” box, I was verifying that I was working for them as an independent agent of “United Sprocket Co.” (which I’m not) and allowing them to monitor my phone calls (in the immortal words of Whitney, “Awwww, HELL TO THE NO!”).

I checked to see if there was any relationship between “United Sprocket Co.” and the company I work for; there is not, nor did I think there would be. I do get a small discount (something like 5%) on my cell phone service because my employer is signed up for it (one of those corporate incentive thingies), but my company does not pay my cell phone bill, so I really don’t think they’d reserve the right to monitor my phone calls in exchange for my getting a measly 5% discount. If that’s the case, I would gladly pay the extra 5% so I could have a little less Big Brother in my life.

So, I’m guessing that my account info for the renewal is somehow tied to a corporate phone account for someone employed by “United Sprocket Co.” My regular account page contains no mention of the other company, so that’s reassuring. Of course, dialing the 800 number didn’t help at all since their hours of operation are 8 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. (What’s this? I thought you were all outsourcing to Bangalore so that there could be someone on the other end of the phone 24/7. I guess not!), but I’ll call from the train in the morning or when I get to the office.

It’s just weird and I don’t want to assume that it’s a glitch in their system until I talk to someone and have this straightened out.

So I have an awesome new cell phone that I can’t use yet because I actually read the small print and thought twice. Grrrr. Ignorance would be cell phone bliss, I guess.