So my new LG enV² cell phone arrived today. I got home a few minutes ago, all excited to activate it (it was already charged and ready to go.) I decided to do it online - it’s late, I have to wake up early… this is easiest, thought I.

I went through the three easy steps and got to the “click here to accept the user agreement” page. Well, because I’m just that way, I decided to actually read a bit of the user agreement. I’m used to the usual, “you can’t sue us, we’re not responsible for X, Y, Z, you have to pay your bill, early termination fee” etc. But I’ve had this same account since 1996 so I’m fairly certain I’m still OK with whatever rights they’re taking/leaving.

What caught my eye was that in the second or third paragraph, it mentioned some company (not Verizon - let’s call them “United Sprocket Co.”) and said that by checking the “I accept” box, I was verifying that I was working for them as an independent agent of “United Sprocket Co.” (which I’m not) and allowing them to monitor my phone calls (in the immortal words of Whitney, “Awwww, HELL TO THE NO!”).

I checked to see if there was any relationship between “United Sprocket Co.” and the company I work for; there is not, nor did I think there would be. I do get a small discount (something like 5%) on my cell phone service because my employer is signed up for it (one of those corporate incentive thingies), but my company does not pay my cell phone bill, so I really don’t think they’d reserve the right to monitor my phone calls in exchange for my getting a measly 5% discount. If that’s the case, I would gladly pay the extra 5% so I could have a little less Big Brother in my life.

So, I’m guessing that my account info for the renewal is somehow tied to a corporate phone account for someone employed by “United Sprocket Co.” My regular account page contains no mention of the other company, so that’s reassuring. Of course, dialing the 800 number didn’t help at all since their hours of operation are 8 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. (What’s this? I thought you were all outsourcing to Bangalore so that there could be someone on the other end of the phone 24/7. I guess not!), but I’ll call from the train in the morning or when I get to the office.

It’s just weird and I don’t want to assume that it’s a glitch in their system until I talk to someone and have this straightened out.

So I have an awesome new cell phone that I can’t use yet because I actually read the small print and thought twice. Grrrr. Ignorance would be cell phone bliss, I guess.

In another two weeks, it’s new cell phone time for Miss Eva. I’ve been waiting for an update on the Samsung phone I posted about ages ago, and that’s the one now known as the Samsung Glyde.

It could be that, a Blackberry Curve or the LG Voyager.

c|net (my initial/trusted choice for such decision-making basics) reviewed the Glyde and gave it a 7.3 out of 10. That’s good.

They gave the Voyager 8.3 out of 10. That’s really good.

c|net doesn’t have an editorial rating for the Blackberry Curve yet, but the users give it a 9.0 out of 10. This I will take with a grain of salt since people get a little too attached - the Crackberry phenomenon.

I’m going to have to suck it up and go into a Verizon store (I loathe that part of the process) to play with them and see which interface is most eva-friendly. I’m pretty savvy with those things and can learn to use a new toy quickly - but the simple matter of how it feels in my hand will be part of the decision-making process, too. When the Verizon sales dudes come up to me to start pitching, I might pretend I don’t speak English. That should get them to leave me the hell alone.

I haven’t gone to a brick-and-mortar Verizon store in almost 6 years; I’ve done all my phone upgrading and plan changes online since I just hate the wireless store experience. It reminds me of the scene in Best in Show where the yuppie couple are discussing how lucky they were to be “raised among catalogs”:

I totally get that sometimes. Also, I love this scene and I adore Parker Posey.