Repair work is being done on my ceiling, so for the last two weeks, everything I own has been sheathed in plastic and inaccessible - including my bed, my computer, my clothes (save what’s in a laundry bag that I tote around with me) and my books. I’ve been hijacking computers from family members, etc., but it’s really beginning to get to me - sleeping in a guest room, living out of laundry bags? It’s a bit disruptive and certainly doesn’t help me cope with my pre-existing stress and being on the verge of a depressive episode.

The physical signs, such as they are, are appearing already: I have been going to bed at 10… far too early. I’ve been waking up at 6:00. Again, far too early. Despite all the sleep I’m getting, I have no energy. I have little appetite. My stomach is constantly in a state of mild upset. I am Little Miss Cranky Pants. I have pain in my shoulders and back (that’s where my stress lives). I’m having moments of logorrhea where my mouth keeps going, despite my brain’s awareness that I should just shut up already (trust me, while this is close to my normal state, it’s not always this bad).

I really just want to return to my regularly scheduled programming.

For depression (as for most mental illnesses and conditions) having a regular routine is highly beneficial. I’ve learned this somewhat recently (over the last 12 months). My routine has been severely disrupted this past month and I am feeling it keenly. I’m trying to create a new one (since the old one is currently fractured beyond repair) but that takes time. And that’s disheartening and frustrating.

Ah, well. It’s 8:05. Time to leave for work.

This little guy appeared in the backyard yesterday. At this very moment, he turned to face the camera.

And again, I stress my need for a true macro lens.

There are some good things I’ve read/watched lately that I keep meaning to write about. But I haven’t had that particular muse with me. Let me list them, at the very least:

Persepolis (movie)*

In the Woods (book)

American Nerd (book)

A History of Violence (movie)*

*Interestingly enough, both movies are based on graphic novels. Persepolis is animated, so it’s a more direct adaptation, but A History of Violence is also a graphic novel adaptation.

Tonight, I am annoyed at the prospect of having to start the search for a podiatrist come Monday. I’ve got some pain in my left foot and I think it might require surgery. That’s not going to stop me from trying to break out of my month-long exercise hiatus, though - tomorrow morning I’ll be playing a bastardized approximation of tennis. Then going swimming. It should all work out somehow - as long as I wear good comfy sneakers and socks.

Oh, to be young again. I say this with only a smattering of sarcasm. The first 4 months of being 30 haven’t been a health crisis, but I can’t eat anything and not have to pay for it anymore. I have to exercise - and exercise a LOT - to lose weight. I have to exercise a good solid amount to maintain the status quo. It’s annoying, but that’s just the way it is. So I hope I don’t have to get foot surgery (or that it’s minor and that I heal quickly); my only option without exercise would be to drink water and eat rice cakes. Not particularly inviting.

Dear Google Reader,

I apologize for your present state of overload… you’re burdened with several thousand posts, sitting there, unread and unloved. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with you — I do! It’s just been really hard to find a chunk of uninterrupted quality time. You see, I’ve been working late a lot these last few weeks, and when I get home at 8 or 8:30, I just want to eat something and go to sleep. And sometimes it’s true - I do actually have a headache.

You may argue that despite all of this, I find time to go running. I wish that was more true than it is; as it stands, I’ve only had the energy to go running one night this week and that was Monday. I hoped to do it tonight, but I’m just pooped. Drained. Done.

There could be resentment. I could be angry at the fact that there’s so much you feel you need to show me and that I need to know, and that there’s no way I could EVER keep up with you. I can’t - you’re just too much for anyone (well, except Robert Scoble) to truly understand. It’s overwhelming.

I sit down at my computer to spend time with you and the guilt sets in… coupled with the fact that the pants I was so proud of being able to wear comfortably (only a month ago) are beginning to feel a bit tight. My new rock climbing buddy broke her ankle, so I haven’t been able to do that in almost a month.  It’s been very rough on me - the sense of routine and order and physical accomplishment that I’ve managed to develop over the last 10 months has sort of fallen out from underneath me all of a sudden. It’s difficult to justify spending an hour with you, Google Reader, and the delicious unread info in all the RSS feeds you have waiting for me nightly, especially when my ass is growing and my self esteem is shrinking.

I promise that once I get back into the swing of things, I will find time for you. It might be a weekend thing; it might be a few nights a week after I finish working out. It probably won’t be the way things once were; us sitting here, together, through the wee hours of the morning, sharing things we find interesting. But I think you’re strong enough to handle it - I’ll just have to find a way to accept that in my life.

With fondest regards and hopes for the future,

-eva

But the rain in NJ does a smashing job of beading up on my clear umbrella.

The thunder isn’t bad either. I’m entertaining the idea of going to bed at a disruptively early hour (now) since I’ve been sleep deprived for far too many weeks now and beginning to feel it more keenly than usual.

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For the last four days, I’ve had the same song stuck in my head. It’s by these guys, right here.

That guy, Brandon Summers… and this guy - Benjamin Weikel - playing Dynamic Drummer Boy:

Together… they are… The Helio Sequence!

And here’s the song that’s been lodged in my head for the last 96 hours - “Can’t Say No” by The Helio Sequence.

And another contribution from the Harriet Carter catalog.

Oooh, I had some fun scanning products from the Harriet Carter (”distinctive gifts since 1958″) catalog that was in the junk mail pile. Here’s the one I’ve chosen to share with you tonight.

holy creepy masks, batman

In addition to going to Siren Festival, this weekend was also the weekend of “The Dark Knight” in IMAX (and a bonus field trip… more on this tomorrow).

We had tickets for a 10 a.m. showing and were at the theatre by 9:15; as I expected, there was already a line. But we were there in plenty of time to have a good position in line - and since a member of our party is Preggers McGee, it was good to have some choice in seating. My friend’s husband performed a superhero-like leap over some rows of chairs to claim our seats while we trudged up the stairs. It was entertaining.

I will tell you what I think about the movie (the post title sums it up briefly) while keeping it spoiler-free. Or trying very very hard.

All that talk about Heath Ledger’s performance being Oscar-worthy and amazing? Well, I don’t know if I’d run out and say he should definitely be granted a posthumous Academy Award (I haven’t seen everyone else who’d be a possible candidate) but he should most certainly be taken under consideration.

It would’ve been quite easy for someone to take that role, turn it into “scarycrazyclown” and create something that would be as embarrassing in retrospect as Jack Nicholson’s take on the Joker appears to us now. That wasn’t the road that Ledger and Nolan took in crafting this portrayal of the Joker. Nope - he might be psychopath, but he’s not crazy (there is a big distinction). He’s a personification of anarchy and amorality (not immorality - big distinction here, too); the “rules” and “codes” don’t apply to anyone or anything, including the Joker himself (in both self-preserving and self-destructive ways). His mission is to prove that these codes don’t exist; that they’re constructs society creates to feel safe, but that they’re very fragile when it comes down to it - and he totally gets his jollies by playing people against their morals and performing a sort “moral profiling” (I think of criminal profiling) and then seeing if they’ll actually do what he thinks they’ll do.

I was talking with a friend at lunch and she said that some DJ on the radio said that Ledger’s  Joker would absolutely terrify children in 8-9 range. I don’t think so - unless they’re really really scared of clowns with poor makeup. The things that make him scary aren’t things that most children are going to be perceptive enough to pick up on, in my opinion. It’s a more subtle psychological and behavioral “terror.” He’s creepy. He makes sense (albeit about twisted stuff). He’s funny as hell. This doesn’t look like a role that would drive a man crazy, though… but perhaps his performance was just that strong.

In short: he’s definitely worth watching. Multiple times, even.

Christian Bale is no slouch either; his Bruce Wayne/Batman also displays some of the trademarks of a psychopath that the Joker has (grandiose sense of self-worth, superficial charm, criminal versatility, reckless disregard for the safety of self or others, impulse control problems) and these parallels are not lost on anyone, methinks. But Batman/Bruce Wayne is a little bit tired and a little less brooding in this film and that sense of spiritual exhaustion is a major part of what is at stake.

Aaron Eckhart did well, as did Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman. Maggie Gyllenhaal, while lovely, didn’t have much with which to work. Same with Gary Oldman - the dramatic scenes they both got were a little on the heavy-handed side, but that’s not the fault of these fine actors. There’s just so much darkness and drama going on in this movie (interspersed with well-placed bits of dry wit, sarcasm and gallows humor) that when they have their more obviously pathos-laden moments of drama, they stick out a bit (they said to me, “These scenes are for the ladies - the softer side of darkness. “) I could sum it up in a three-word phrase, but it would be a quasi-spoiler.

Anyway - seeing it in IMAX was definitely the way to go. Action sequences, cityscapes - I felt a twinge of vertigo at one point when I was ‘plummeting’ from a building along with Batman. Just beautifully shot. Nothing hokey, nothing splashy, no special effects that made you cry out with anguish over someone looking like they’re made of rubber. It’s solid. Our group response heading out of the theatre (with huge smiles on our faces): KICK-ASS.

Simply, well done.