Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve (Day).

Whenever someone asks me what I’m doing for New Year’s, my answer is usually, “I don’t know. Maybe sleeping through it.” I’ve done this only once in my adult life because all my options were pretty unattractive (and not in a dirty way; just in a “not my cup of tea” way).

What pops into my head most often when I think about it is something my mother said to me years and years ago; that whatever you’re doing on New Year’s Eve will be a reflection of the year to come.

I’m not superstitious, but my mother is - and highly so. So this statement of hers just repeats in my head… though I don’t know why.

In recent years, my New Year’s has been spent sitting at home with my family (and siblings’ friends) helping with hosting a small get-together, drinking a gin & tonic and then one small glass of champagne, picking up someone from somewhere since I’m the only sober one when 2am comes around, generally arguing with someone who’s drunk and too far gone to know it, and then going to sleep. So, essentially, my New Year has been another occasion during which I forsake any personal enjoyment for the onus of being responsible for everyone. Why? Because I am a control freak and I like knowing that if anything should happen - good, bad or otherwise - I’d be sober and able to handle things… and take control of the situation. And, in some ways, this is a reflection of how I spend the rest of the year.

Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. Being responsible isn’t bad. Forsaking personal enjoyment? Not good - may lead to a martyr complex in the future.

In either event, my New Year’s Eve activities aren’t harbingers of doom but, rather, reflections of the past year and a handy “bookmark” in time of where I am and what’s going on.

This year, I’m thinking I might sleep through the big ought-six/ought-seven changeover, not out of disgust at my options, but because I want to take what little growth I’ve experienced this year (in terms of letting things go, not getting caught up in things I can’t control, etc.) and use it to set the tone for the New Year. So, if I spend New Year’s Eve doing crossword puzzles, watching a movie, drinking a gin & tonic or an Earl Grey tea, reading a new book, or making a necklace, it’s all good. I should do something creative and relaxing since that’s been my goal all year.

Monday afternoon, I’m having lunch with my friends Theresa and Kofi, so I have something to look forward to in 2007 already. I have a new car upon which I can afford to make payments. I have a job I love. I’m doing OK healthwise - mentally and physically. I had some surgery, but the occupational therapy is going pretty well. I’ve had some really low moments mentally and emotionally, but I’m working on that, too, and getting (I think) better and better.

Not 100% yet, but I don’t really want to get to 100%.
That’s asking too much.
I’ll take 80%.
That’s better than ¾ OK.

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I was up at 8:30 and have been watching episodes of Chappelle’s Show for the last hour and a half, while half-heartedly doing some cleaning.

Anyway… I’ve been checking out some stuff online and found this interesting article, entitled “50 Things We Know Now (That We Didn’t Know This Time Last Year) 2006 Edition“. Here are some of my favorites:

• Scientists have discovered that certain brain chemicals in our tears are natural pain relievers.
• Some 45 percent of Internet users, or about 60 million Americans, said they sought online help to make big decisions or negotiate their way through major episodes in their lives during the previous two years.
• During the past five years, the existence of a peanut allergy in children has doubled.

Also, last night, I got to hang out with my friend Elizabeth (of DetoxMoxie fame). We ordered in some vegetarian takeout from a place nearby called Veggie Heaven. The spring rolls were tasty-tasty, and we were talking about the changes she’s made to her life lately… and the changes that I’m trying to make in my own (with the exercise and the finances and whatnot). We got into talking about strange food cravings - like waking up and wanting broccoli or cherries or watermelon or whatever. I mentioned one of my favorite food-related sites to her and felt that I should share it here, too… just ‘cuz.

The site is World’s Healthiest Foods. Basically, whenever I get a weird-ass craving (for broccoli or walnuts or cucumber) I check this site to see what the food in question contains. Basically, I believe that when you experience a strange craving out of the blue like that, it’s because your body is experiencing a deficiency of one of the “ingredients” of that food and that the craving is a way for your body to indicate, “Hey - you need some of this.” Thus, if I do a site search on broccoli, I’ll see a fun bar chart showing the respective levels of nutrients.

Broccoli - vitamins C, K, A, folate and fiber
Walnuts - omega 3 fatty acids, manganese and copper
Kidney beans - molybdenum, folate, tryptophan, fiber, protein

Look up any food and the search results will show you a variety of places where the food is mentioned. Scroll down to the section called “Food/Spice” and then select the food from the list. You’ll find a wealth of information including how to prepare the food, how to select it when buying it, the health benefits and lots of other fun stuff.

And a transcript of Stephen Colbert’s talk at the White House Correspondants Dinner. And a video.

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…but I have a new car.

I don’t know what will make it sink in: making the first payment? Driving to work?
Putting my NYU alum sticker on the rear window?
Putting the bobbing head Japanese kitten (not to be confused with a bobble head)(and actually not a kitten, technically, but a maneki neko)(neko means cat, if I recall correctly from Miyazaki’s “My Neighbor Totoro” - Catbus in Japanese is Neko Bus) on my dashboard?

I’m going to go to bed since today was very long and stressful (sitting, waiting, sitting, waiting, worrying, sitting, sitting, looking at the car, sitting, waiting, worrying, sitting, signing, signing, signing, waiting for fax, sitting, and finally driving).

I might not even break into a book - I might just drift off to sleep.

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I was able to get up and get my ass on the treadmill this morning. It wasn’t nearly as bad as my imagination led me to believe. As a matter of fact, I plan on repeating this performance tomorrow morning.

To that end, I shall head off to bed. I don’t have to be up quite AS early tomorrow, but I still need some sleep.

There’s a slim chance I’ll be getting a new car tomorrow.
Slim.

[maintaining cautious optimism]

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HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

In the United States, anyway, I am one of a kind. The only person with my name. At least according to this website, based on the 1990 census and in the general percentage. To quote:

The program returns an estimate based on available data. It should be considered a “ballpark figure”. It will usually return an answer in the right general area, but the chances of the figure being exactly right are very low.

There are 238,475 people in the U.S. with the first name Eva. There are only 420 people with my last name in the U.S.

I might have a new car this weekend. I have to thoroughly clean the old car this weekend so we can sell it or trade it in. Either way, it needs to be vacuumed since my family members have used it to transport trees (???) and wood and furniture, and detritus remains.

But we’ll see. It would be verrrrry nice. But if it happens in two weeks, I’ll be OK with that, too. If it happens in two months, I’d be OK with that as well. I’ll take it when I can get it; in the meantime, I have to focus on paying my debts and simultaneously making room for monthly car and insurance payments in my budget. I’m due for my next review and performance-based raise in April.

I’ve also (suddenly) been taken with the desire and impulse to get my ass on the treadmill. I’m going to start doing this in the mornings since it means I can shower after running and get ready for the day as usual, rather than getting home from work, getting sweaty, showering and then showering again in the morning. Inefficient and wasteful. Tonight, I did some Pilates, but limited moves because of my wrist’s lack of strength; several positions require holding your ankles or propping your head up on your hand, and I just don’t have the flexibility or strength to do this 100% yet.

That said, it’s almost 9pm. If I take a sleeping pill NOW and put on some Satie for Relaxation, there’s a good chance I’ll be able to wake up at 6:30 for a half hour of running without feeling dead.

There was something else on my mind when I sat down to write, but I’ll be damned if I remember what it was.

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This Saturday, USA is having a marathon of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, so I can sit all day and enjoy the magic that is Vincent D’Onofrio as Detective Goren. Apparently, they’re catching on to the appeal of the show - it’s all about the Vincent D.

It’s just after 8 and I’m feeling sleepy already. It’s the weather, I’m sure. It’s making my wrist hurt a lot, but that could also be because I had occupational therapy tonight and it made my wrist sore. I still love the fluidotherapy (corn husk particle) machine.

Friday night, I’ll be hanging with my friend Elizabeth (who is on a mission and blogging her progress) to talk, drink tea, and maybe order some tasty food. I’m looking forward to it… we laugh, we talk about life, we laugh some more and then end up getting all quiet because we start thinking… or get inspired. Either way, it’s all good.

Just so’s you know, her site/blog is called Detox Moxie and it’s a record of her efforts to detox her body and her life. She quit smoking, cut out processed sugars and is feeling pretty friggin’ awesome - and sharing the love. There are recipes from her buddy Chef Mike, book recommendations and links to good resources for a whole person detox plan (if you’re so inclined.) While I don’t go about my “cleansing” in the same way, I think we’re of the same mind when it comes to getting rid of the toxic things in our lives.

::Endorsement complete::

Friday is also the night that the new Guillermo del Toro film, Pan’s Labyrinth (El Laberinto del Fauno), opens. I’ve had it on my calendar for a few months now… and I’m SOO excited to see it. I’m hoping it will be opening in one of my local indie theatres so I can go check it out. It looks mighty creepy. It’s a Golden Globe Nominee (aka Intro to Oscar) for Best Foreign Film and has been named the winner of several film critics’ awards. The synopsis is as follows:

…a gothic fairy tale set against the postwar repression of Franco’s Spain… Pan’s Labyrinth combines the historic and moral themes of his acclaimed Spanish Civil War story (The Devil’s Backbone) with protean visual creativity… Pan’s Labyrinth unfolds through the eyes of Ofelia, a dreamy little girl who is uprooted to a rural military outpost commanded by her new stepfather. Powerless and lonely in a place of unfathomable cruelty, Ofelia lives out her own dark fable as she confronts monsters both otherworldly and human…

Then there’s a lengthy bit’o'detail about the actors and whatnot… but, basically - little girl, feeling lonely, kindly housekeeper tells her about a rambling, abandoned garden. It’s a lovely place to wander and it becomes “Ofelia’s haven, a dark refuge from loneliness and sorrow.”

If I can, I’ll catch a matinee on Saturday. I can miss some Law and Order for this

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Stupid shit. I want to upgrade to the new version of MovableType (the platform on which this blog is built/run) and while I’ve gotten through the bulk of it, I can’t get through the final steps.

Why?

Because I don’t know enough about UNIX shell programming. I managed to get the files onto my server and unpack the archive they’re bunched in. I ran the initial steps and was able to get to the Movable Type System Check page, which told me everything was in place and ready to go. All I need to do is configure my permissions. This is something my brother and his girlfriend have both taught me to do a few times so that I have some knowledge… but the problem here is that with this new upgrade, they’ve started using a different config file which I can’t find. If I can’t find my original, I can’t rename it or modify it. I’m hunting and searching the Movable Type forums for people experiencing the same problem… with no luck. I don’t want to bother my bro today, so I’ll just play with it over the next few days and, if nothing else, I’ll ask him next weekend.

It’s cold and rainy outside. Not cold enough to freeze or turn into snow, though. And not raining heavily enough to help me fall asleep. But we’ll see what I can do.

I’m reading Party of One: A Loner’s Manifesto currently and finding lots of quotable bits in there, too. It’s been another great self-realization type book since I’m learning that I’m not weird… I’m a loner. I’m not antisocial. Just a loner. And that there’s nothing wrong with me.

This is another one with many quotable bits. Here’s a segment from the chapter on friendship:

For some loners, a paucity of friends is a matter of time. There is simply too much to do alone, no time to spare. Shared time, while not entirely wasted if the sharer is a true friend, must be parceled out with care, like rationed flour. And time shared, even with friends, often requires loners to put in extra time alone, overtime, to recharge. It is a matter of energy: As a rule, loners have less for the social machinery, the talk and sympathy. Our fuel runs out. This is what nonloners don’t understand about us, what they cannot see. We do not choose to have such tiny fuel tanks. These can be quite inconvenient. They are why we seem rude, when we do, why we seem bored and often are. Spaced-out and often are. Running on empty.

Not heartless. Not unappreciative. Not fools. We know the rest of the world has big tanks. We know they don’t know.

So much goodness. There’s another segment about love that’s really good, but I’ll save that for tomorrow as to not quote half the book tonight.

Work tomorrow. And I have to leave early for physical therapy. Which reminds me - I need to do my evening set of exercises. I’ve been lax today and have only done them two of the five times I’m supposed to.

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I’m in such a bad mood. Part of it is the family being obnoxious; my brother felt it appropriate to tell two really horrible racist jokes at Christmas breakfast. While I asked him to shut up and stop being an asshole, he just talked louder and louder over me. And kept repeating the joke to amuse himself and laugh about it.

My sister got on my case for using the word “efficacy” - “why do you have to use words that no one else knows?”

What? Efficacy isn’t some strange word from the lexicon of, I don’t know, neuroscience or anything. Effectiveness and efficacy are the same thing, but I happen to like efficacy better as a word.

So, I’ve sequestered myself away from them in hopes that it will improve my mood.

My friend Vin called me a few minutes ago to tell me to turn on Spike TV (James Bond marathon) since (he said) the villain looked like my dad must’ve looked about 30 years ago. He was pretty on-target, though my dad had wavier hair than the villain. Still… my father bears a resemblance to a James Bond villain (in “Never Say Never Again”).

Anyway, let me outline the spoils of the holiday (since everyone always asks and it was the first question from my friend - “how’d you do?”):

• books - Sky Burial, Illustrated Zuleika Dobson, the Yale Book of Quotations and The Little Black Book of Tea
• waterproof suede boots from L.L. Bean (in black currant - nice shade of deep purple)
• gift certificate for Harney & Sons Teas
• gift certificate for Sephora
• gift certificate for Marshall’s (you know how I love the bargains…)
• black leather purse from Monsac (similar to this one, but a bit smaller)
• a new watch (silver, Betsey Johnson)
• the special edition DVD of Pride and Prejudice (A&E miniseries) (10th Anniversary Limited Edition, apparently)
• new brushed metal iPod case from Belkin
… and certainly NOT least…
• haven’t gotten it yet, but I will be getting some help from my parents in the new year with putting a down payment on a new car - a Mazda 3. I’ve been doing my best to pay off my debts and have paid over $13,000 towards school and credit cards in the past year and a half, so I haven’t been able to save up for much of anything. My father commented a while ago that I must be feeling like a second-class citizen being the only person in the family who doesn’t have a brand new car (which is, actually, the case - nobody else’s car is more than 2 years old…) and that’s not how I feel, but I hate not being able to accelerate on the highway with an underpowered old car.

So, at some point in the next few months, I’ll have some new wheels (in the metallic gray color shown on the product page). Like this:

And finally a place to slap up my NYU alumnus window sticker. And plug in my iPod.I’m not letting myself get too thrilled about it until it actually happens. So much can change over the course of a few weeks. Right now, I’ll remain cautiously optimistic.

And if you are in possession of a digital camera, here’s something that might interest you… Post-it’s new line of sticky photo papers have a mail-in rebate for any product purchase of up to $15. So you can try them and not have to pay. Expires on March 31, 2007.

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Too much food, too much of everything.

Family drama wasn’t as high as in previous years, though still higher than average.

Note: we do basically ALL of our Christmas celebrating on Christmas Eve. The big dinner, the breaking of the bread and wishes for the new year, the opening of gifts, etc.

My father was grumpy because he got gifts after specifically saying (though I never heard it) that he didn’t want anything. He got several bottles of wine and a few other things, so it’s not like we went all-out. He just likes being grumpy.

My sister was feeling guilty over getting so much stuff - and commented that this Christmas left her feeling empty. I welcomed her to her 20s and told her that this is part of the existential dilemma we all face as adults… the realization that most things are meaningless, but that it shouldn’t keep her from enjoying the gifts we got for her.

Dinner was good, but I ate too much starch - rye bread, potato and cheese pierogi, Polish mushroom soup with egg noodles, a biscuit, a small piece of breaded flounder (with lemon juice) and then dessert (Polish cake, orange slices and various chocolates truffles.) I didn’t eat a LOT of food overall (a slice of bread, 3 pierogi - not a huge quantity) but it was a goodly amount of very filling things. Glutenous things. Floury, starchy things. My tummy is like a pot of paste or papier mache right now.

As for me, I was quite satisfied with my Christmas, despite the drama. There was some laughter (which is uncommon) and that was valuable. There was only one problem with some snow boots I got (a half size too small) so my mom called the company - tonight - and they’re sending out a new pair on Tuesday, and we can return the ones I have here now.

Now if we’d only get some snow. I’ll be very upset if I got these waterproof suede snow boots and we don’t get any snow this winter, thanks to global warming. It was 60 degrees today. SIXTY! My mom commented that it was a beautiful day; I replied, “Yeah, for APRIL.” Not for winter and certainly not for December 24/25th.

It doesn’t look promising for New Year’s either. Oh, well.

To those of you celebrating, merry happy. Enjoy the rampant consumerism and all the feelings of goodwill it generates between/among family members.

I hope your celebration is peaceful and drama-free!

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Sniff. Sniff.

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