Another thing Vin mentioned was that I’d need to find a boy who was “a big liberal.”

Apparently, accepting women as independent individuals is not on the conservative or Republican agenda (Vin is my Republican friend). Good to know, I guess. I’ll stay away from all those former Young Republicans - though I have a tendency to scoff at any cars with pro-Bush bumper stickers as it stands.

I wonder if I could get beyond friendship with a Republican. I seriously doubt it. That’s OK, though, because cutting Republican males out of the equation means that the remaining percentage of men are more likely to have brains and/or the power of lucid thought.

Oh, snap. Yes, I said it. But I can’t really mean it because I have more than one Republican friend and they’re all intelligent people; it’s just a pity that most of the people who share their party affiliation are ignorant, narrow-minded and unintelligent.

Dammit. The constant rain yesterday and today has caused the ceiling to leak in exciting new spots. This time, it’s just under the skylights, but not from the window frames or areas directly around them. It’s at the joints between the slanting portions of the ceiling and the wall. It’s fantastic; water is pooling up between the sheetrock and the paint and creating little paint bubbles… most delightful.

I should only tell my psychiatrist the things I talk about with my psychiatrist.

It’s nothing awful. I went out with my friend Vin today after not having seen him since well before I went on vacation (since he hadn’t seen my new Anna Sui glasses - quoth he, “At least she designs nice glasses; her perfume smells like ass.” So erudite!).

We went to Panera and had some soup and sandwiches and then I helped him with one of his library science homework assignments by visiting a website and conducting some experiments (aka searches). I was the “user” and he was observing my use of the site since this is for a usability class.

When he dropped me off, we were talking since I wanted to mention that my sister’s graduation party is coming up and invite him, if he wanted to drop by - and if he didn’t have a friend getting married that weekend, since it seems everyone he knows is getting married THIS summer. And he mentioned something like that… and I replied that I would do him a favor and NOT get married anytime soon, thus saving him time and money. I joked with him that I’ll also save him money if he ever gets married by saving him the “and guest” portion of my attendance - I’ll come alone.

Of course, being a good, supportive friend, he was like, “Nah - you’ll get married before I do.” And I was able to bring up a conversation we had about four years ago during which we were both single and whining and complaining about couples and he was particularly bitter and single. Back then, he said he’d NEVER date anyone, ever again, and said that I’d probably have a boyfriend in 6 months. Fast-forward to now, and he’s been with his girlfriend for about 2 years now, and I haven’t had a date since that conversation 4 years ago.

SO… his prophecy didn’t come true in that case, so I doubt it will in this case.

Then I was telling him how it’s something I’ve discussed with my shrink… that I’m pretty settled into the singlehood at this point. Of course, my shrink says I shouldn’t say that, “never say never”, “you never know” and all that jazz. The word that registers in my mind is “NEVER.” But I digress. I get all this happy horseshit from them, but everyone who knows me well + my shrink comments that it’s going to be incredibly difficult for me to meet or find someone who will be able to accept me as I am, who will be able to meet me on my level and who will be strong enough to deal with me. Because I don’t compromise, and this is apparently a frightening thing.

A man who won’t compromise is more the norm; women are used to getting into relationships and thinking, “I can change him.” You don’t usually hear from guys who stay in a relationship thinking, “I can change her.” Because the girl changes; the guy doesn’t have to DO anything. The girls try to change the guys, but as most of us know and can attest to, you can’t change another person. It doesn’t happen. It leads to unhappiness and heartbreak. We can only change ourselves… and no well-meaning friend, family member or lover can force us to make this change. Occasionally, and very rarely at that, someone can prompt us to change by making an observation (see also: interventions) or experiencing something themselves that prompts us to think differently.

The rest of the time, ain’t NO one gonna make you change yourself… esp. if you’re a guy. If you’re a girl, you’re expected to compromise (yourself or in general) and be willing to sacrifice certain elements of yourself and your life and your wants and desires “for the sake of the relationship.” If you’re an independent woman, unwilling to compromise… well, you have to wait until an exceptional man comes along.

Vin also said that the trick would be finding someone who isn’t looking to be in a relationship. To which I replied, “Well, then it will never be a relationship because he won’t be looking, I won’t be looking and while we might find each other, we won’t end up in a relationship since we’ll both go, ‘oh, this is so nice and pressure free and comfortable - I like that we’re friends’ and stay friends.”

But I appreciate his attempt to help me see some light at the end of the tunnel. I have to accept it and not rail against it since he means well, and I know it’s because he’s my friend and he cares, and he’d like to see me happy whether it’s alone or with someone… and I think that I will be the person who’s happy alone, with my friends nearby, though I’ll be alone each night.

And with my new Mogu Body Buddy pillow, it’s sort of OK. I have something to hug. It doesn’t hug me back, but I’ll pretend that it’s my really squishy polystyrene bead-filled boyfriend who’s passed out drunk next to me… so he can’t hug me back. Though I can safely say that I wouldn’t want a boy who would be passed out drunk.

“Katamari Damacy” didn’t arrive today It will probably arrive Monday
My t-shirt from spreadshirt.com arrived today. It’s black and it says, “cheerfully efficient” across the chest in silver glitter letters
I’m going to spend the rest of the night (as long as I can stay awake) working on my new deconstructionist notebook. When I was in the emergency room with my mother, I took the rest of the roll of surgical tape they used to tape on her IV needle and tubes. It will make a cool adhesive and trim in this notebook and a nice change from Scotch or electrical tape. I also received my order from amazon.com which contained the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. This means I can find lots of interesting and useful quotes to use in my notebook - or misappropriate by switching out words, etc.

I was invited to come down to Theresa and Kofi’s to have pizza and watch a movie, but the movie they chose to watch was “Failure to Launch”, that movie with Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker - quite possibly two of my least favorite actors. So I opted out. That, and I’m feeling a little pathetic and sorry for myself, so I’m best off not dragging down the peeps around me… I can just sit alone and be artistic and moody. That’s right.

I’m even wearing black and have Barber’s “Adagio” playing in the background. PERFECT. I know how to set a mood and maintain a theme.

I am sitting here, about to dive into my chicken parmesan sandwich… fresh from the grill here at the cafeteria. I hope I can taste it.

Quick updates:

• My “cheerfully efficient” t-shirt shipped from spreadshirt.com. I think I’m going to open my store to the public once I have some more interesting t-shirt ideas… or at least ones I find interesting.

• I purchased a copy of “Katamari Damacy” for my PS2 on eBay. I did it. My friend Theresa was telling me about it and then I read a few articles on BoingBoing about it… and it seems like my sort of game. I’ll probably be addicted by Friday night. If it arrives by then.

• Friday after work, I’m meeting up with my brother’s girlfriend, Amanda, to have Cuban food at a (allegedly) great local joint here in Hoboken called, “La Isla.” Their menu looks pretty tasty, so I’m excited.

• I’m reading the Complete Stories of Dorothy Parker. I haven’t ever read anything by her before (other than the random quote or quip), and I am pleasantly surprised. Recommended!

• Tonight we’re going to dinner to celebrate my mother’s birthday since her health and my health have improved to a point where we can enjoy such a thing. I think we’re going to a local Italian place called “Cucina Calandra” - the sister restaurant of a great local Italian & French bakery. Mmmm… tasty.

Now I am going to eat my lunch, read some Dorothy Parker and get back to work.

I just watched a great movie that I’d never heard of before and just added to my Netflix queue because it was in my list of “you might like this” titles.

The movie is called “Kamikaze Girls” and it’s a Japanese comedy but with some Kill Bill influences (animated interludes, female bikers, etc.) and a hell of a lot of quirkiness otherwise. It’s about (what movie reviews would call) an unlikely friendship between two teenage girls. One is a sort of “Harajuku” girl in the Lolita style, and the other is a member of a female biker gang. They become friends due to a mutual involvement with knock-off Versace clothing and it just goes from there.

You can even watch it with the “sideways” feature, which prompts you to hit the “enter” button on your DVD remote whenever a cabbage appears in the corner of the screen (yes, there’s a reason for it) and this accesses definitions of the various pop culture references mentioned in the movie.

I’m ordering the DVD from Amazon RIGHT NOW. It captures the same spirit as “Amelie”… though it’s a very different movie.

Now I’m going to read for a bit and then get to sleep. After some more Gatorade or some ice water. I feel thirsty.

Through the strategic use of Gatorade and cool showers, I helped my body get rid of the fever!

True, I woke up at 4 in the morning drenched in sweat, but the fever was gone and I was back to a tepid 97.3 (my usual body temp…)

I missed the train, but I can drive into work today… it will be OK.

So… I’ve been blowing my nose all day long… I got home and was just really really thirsty, but had no appetite.

I came up to my room and read for a bit, then turned on a movie and sort of dozed off. I woke up a few minutes later feeling really warm. I checked the A/C and it’s set to 75 degrees, which is a good temperature for me - cool but not enough to give me a chill.

Drank some bottled water and an iced green tea. Performed a nasal irrigation. Even after splashing nice cool water on my face, I was feeling warm. SO… I went downstairs and asked my mom where she had placed the thermometer she was using during her illness - because I wanted to check my temperature just in case.

She instantly went into worried mommy mode and the hand flew to my forehead. “You do feel a bit warm,” she said in Polish (”Czujesz się troszke ciepła.”) She got out the box of “probe covers” for the electronic thermometer and I popped it in… beep… beep… beep… beepbeepbeep.

101.3˚F. A fever. Great.

I don’t feel sick… I feel like I have allergies. It’s possible that I have a fever due to a sinus or ear infection (I am experiencing pain in both). But we’ll see. I’m going to take a reading around 10:00 and then tomorrow morning. If I continue to have a fever, I’ll have to stay home. I can’t risk getting people at work sick and starting this trend of sickness and contagion in the workplace.

I guess I should go ahead and find myself a PCP just in case. My old PCP doesn’t accept my current insurance, so I’ll see if I can find a new one close by - in case antibiotics are needed down the road. Thank goodness I can find and select one via the United Healthcare website. Awww, yeah. Technology.

I’m also downing Gatorade like it’s the last fluid available. Hydration, as I’ve said before, is key.

I am now officially SICK. Allergies, not a flu. The post nasal drip is gone and has been replaced by a severely runny and stuffy nose as well as a cough.

I’ve gone through a box of tissues already today, and it’s a good thing I have a stockpile of 4 or 5 boxes at my desk at work so I needn’t fear running out there. I’ll probably carry the little “boutique” box of tissues in my purse tomorrow… because a little purse size thing of Kleenex just isn’t going to do it at the rate I’m going.

So… tomorrow morning, I have to make sure I bring the following items to work: a box of tissues, allergy medicine, Boroleum ointment (for soothing nasal irritation), throat lozenges (to soothe the throat irritation caused by coughing), my wrist brace and possibly the saline rinse and bulb, though I doubt I’ll be able to find enough “quiet time” in the ladies’ room to do a nasal rinse in the work restroom without being totally inappropriate in public. I’ll bring it just in case, though - because if I get totally congested, social mores be damned! I need to breathe!

It’s a good thing the purse of my dreams is a large tote style and that I can carry all these supplies without appearing totally burdened. On the contrary, when the purse is nicely filled with stuff, it looks even more stylish. If I can muster up the energy to style my hair properly tomorrow, I’ll look quite stylish indeed with the new haircut and the stuffed bag.

Time to go to sleep… my eyes are all irritated and sort of squinty, too. I have been carrying eye drops with me, so at least I don’t have to remember those.

I hate allergic rhinitis. I do I do I do. Gee - tomorrow’s weather is going to be party cloudy with a chance of thunderstorm, 87 degrees and 56% humidity. That’s going to feel grrrreat. Ugh. It was up to 97 today, but I was indoors. And the grass pollen count tomorrow is MODERATE… I am highly highly allergic to grass pollen.

Whine, whine, whine. Shutting up now.

Goddamn it. Breathing all that “fresh air” yesterday has left me so sick with allergies. UGH.

I was up half the night switching from side to side so I could BREATHE through my nose, which kept getting stuffed up on one side or the other. I had a nasty post-nasal drip sore throat last night and I had several throat lozenges, but this morning it’s worse than ever AND I have a highly productive cough… just imagine little green rubber balls lodged in your throat… that’s what I’ve got, but I was able to cough up a few.

“Skeleton Key” is on HBO or Starz or something… it’s sort of playing in the background while I’m coughing and typing.

Perhaps I will look up post-nasal drip on Google and see what sorts of home remedies or treatments I can find to make things feel a little better.

So I had my little BBQ today. Two of the friends who RSVP’ed for the day ended up not being able to come, but the friends who were able to come had a good time, I think, and I was very glad to see them and spend time with them. We talked and laughed and there was tasty food, and I really nailed the sangria… it was very tasty and I ended up making two huge pitchers of it for the group of 5 of us and some of my family members who also enjoyed it.

Amanda brought her Dance Dance Revolution pad so we had some fun trying that out. I suck at it pretty badly, but - no surprise - Theresa was pretty good and it was her first time. She’s addicted already; while she was saying goodbye to my brother on the front stoop, she was doing the “steps” with her feet… it’s sort of funny. Anyway, I think she’s going to be getting the game and the pad SOON.

Now I’m super super tired since I’ve been running around all day. I had a haircut at 9 am and then was out food shopping and cooking and cleaning and getting ready right up until 4:00. Then I had my friends over so that was more relaxing, but I also spent the last hour and change cleaning up.

Since we sat outside for a good portion of the afternoon, I inhaled a lot of pollen and ickiness. I have a bad sore throat, but I have Cepacol sore throat from post-nasal drip lozenges. Yes, they make lozenges specifically for the post-nasal drip sore throat… they release more vapor, apparently, so it helps clear up the sinuses and ease the drip, I suppose.

Tomorrow, I am painting my fingernails a bright pink called “Hibiscus” since I pretty much ruined them today with washing and cooking and cleaning. It’s not an exciting plan, but it’s what I’ve got.

I’m going to watch “A Letter to Three Wives” until I fall asleep. My order from Amazon shipped… though it’s shipping in two portions, which sucks. I’ll have one book early in the week and the others probably late in the week or beginning of the week after since I opted for the super-saver shipping. True, I’m in no rush to get them… but I am rather impatient.

I need fresh meat… uh… I mean READING MATERIAL. It’s sort of like meat… I tear through books rather violently.

Need throat lozenge and soft pillow… good night.

Well, other than regular old tea.

Important thing I forgot: Starbucks chai tea latte has more caffeine than the tea I’m used to drinking and, thus, having one at 8:30 tonight was a STUPID STUPID idea on my part.

No wonder I can’t fall asleep. I’ve been in bed since 10. I’ve watched a pretty awful movie on Starz - “Birth” with Nicole Kidman… the one where a woman thinks her dead husband has been reincarnated in a 10-year old kid because the kid knows some personal stuff about them. He bathes with her - no touchie, but still tremendously disturbing. I watched it anyway; it was one of those films I just couldn’t stop watching despite the crappitude. I thought it might put me to sleep due to the hypnotic/soporific qualities… but no.

I’m still wide awake.

I’ve taken to sleeping with my Mogu Body Buddy pillow. It’s a 4-foot long body pillow… filled with those awesome microbead thingies… and it’s royal blue… and looks like this:

It’s pathetically huggable. Or I’m pathetic. Or it’s huggable.

Regardless of which version you accept as true, it’s apparent that there is a significant percentage of the world’s population that is pathetic and calls for huggable pillows since they are being manufactured in various shapes and sizes… and being sold in various colors.

I finished my book and am waiting for a new batch of books to come from Amazon. I ordered John Barth’s “The Sot-Weed Factor”, Neal Stephenson’s “Cryptonomicon”, and the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, just to round things out.

This is infuriating. I’m pissed off at myself for just blithely ignoring or being stupid enough to forget that caffeine has this strong an affect on me or remember how much of the damn stuff is in the chai (then again, Theresa and I each had one and we both commented on how much of the chai concentrate the barista used - it was almost too spicy and too sweet to imbibe). It’s almost 2 am and thus too late to take a sleeping pill since that would almost definitely result in an inability to wake up on time at 7:30.

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. These are the moments when having someone around to knock me unconscious would be good. Smelling salts could revive me whenever needed… and there would be no prerequisite 7 hours of sleep, as with the sleeping pill.

I wonder if smelling salts are still available to the general consumer - since women no longer walk around tightly corseted and faint at the mere mention of exposed ankle flesh. Smelling salts are:

Ammonium carbonate, (NH3)2CO3·H2O, is a colorless-to-white crystalline solid commonly known as smelling salts; in water solution it is sometimes called aromatic spirits of ammonia. Smelling salts are used to arouse consciousness because the release of ammonia [NH3] gas that accompanies their use irritates the membranes of the nose and lungs, and thereby triggers an inhalation reflex (that is, it causes the muscles that control breathing to work faster).

A-ha. Well, I want to sleep. Maybe I’ll just screw it and take the sleeping pill. I am taking the train tomorrow, so perhaps I can even get a family member to drive me to the station if I’m too groggy to pilot an automobile myself. I can’t sit here all night, after all.