I’m going to lie down with a heating pad since my back is killing me today. In lieu of a personal post, here’s something really funny that came through on the mental_floss RSS feed.

From an actual Craigs’ List ad:

I’m looking for a man to photophosphorylate me all night long. - w4m

“I will fondle your vesicles while you caress my golgi body. My stroma is leaking all over the place. We can do it in the alpha or beta configuration, whichever you prefer. You whip me with your flagellum, tubulin subunits flying everywhere. We can make a mess as I’ve hired some lysosomes to clean up after. Please have a smooth endoplasmic reticulum but know that I like it rough, if you know what I mean. I also prefer my ribosomes bound… tight. Spin me round with your basal body and make sure it’s turgid. Pump me up and down your concentration gradient, letting the chemiosmosis take control. I can go both ways, just like an amphipathic phospholipid. Do you like aerobic respiration as much as I do?

Let me know if this makes you secrete.”

I feel like I should link all the cell parts to definitions so people can get a refresher course in high school bio.

• photophosphorylate = to add a phosphate using light
• vesicles = small blisters filled with liquid that contains virus particles
• golgi body = a net-like structure in the cytoplasm [sort of the amniotic fluid of cells) of animal cells
• stroma = connective tissue framework of an organ, gland, or other structure
• tubulin subunits = a subunit is a single protein molecule that assembles with other protein molecules to form a larger protein; tubulin is one such protein
• lysosomes = not to be confused with liposomes; structures found within the cytoplasm of cells which contain digestive enzymes; responsible for ridding the cell of debris
• endoplasmic reticulum = a membrane network within the cytoplasm of cells involved in the synthesis, modification, and transport of cellular materials
• ribosomes = tiny particle composed of RNA and protein; the site of protein synthesis
• basal body = [phallic reference alert!] a short cylindrical array of microtubules and other proteins found at the base of a eukaryotic flagellum
• concentration gradient = the difference in concentration in two parts of a system (not though concentration, but parts per liter concentration)
• chemiosmosis = the mechanism through which ATP is produced in the inner membrane of the mitochondrion
• amphipathic phospholipid = a phospholipid (lipid = fatty molecule, phospholipid = fatty + phosphate) that is both hydrophobic and hydrophillic (attaching to and repelled from water)
• aerobic respiration = chemical process in which oxygen is used to make energy from carbohydrates

Nerdiness expended for the night.