I spoke with the doctor today… and there’s still no definitive answer on when and how my surgery will take place. But that’s OK. I got some piece of mind just talking to him and seeing that we’re on the same page… with him a little ahead of me, fortunately.

However, we discussed several things. He’s been reading and researching, and talking with other orthopedists and hand specialists (including a hand dude who has operated on many Kienbock’s patients and with whom my doctor would team up for the surgery) and my MRIs and CAT scans are currently with this second doctor. Basically, his main concern is picking the right surgery for me so that I have as much use of my hand as possible afterwards… that is, the smallest possible decrease in range of motion (ROM) and grip strength.

I spent about 5 minutes on the phone with him discussing what I’d found on the Kienbock’s disease website I’ve been visiting and I asked him if one of the things he was considering for me was a titanium lunate implant. He said that option came up several times and is certainly one of the things he’s considering. He just told me that he didn’t want to make a recommendation until he’d explored ALL possibilities for me… since the complications are that I’m in such an advanced stage of the disease (3b of 4 stages) and because I’m still so young and have so many years of use left in this wrist. Rather than making it easier, my youth makes it harder because, in his words, “It’s not like a broken bone where we stick a pin in it and let your healthy young bones heal together.” This is something degenerative and it’s not a matter of just setting things right and letting them go. He asked me about the case studies/personal accounts I’d read and I told him that most of the people who were posting up their experiences were older than I am, with a few exceptions.

As we’d discussed during my last office visit, I reiterated that my biggest concern was regaining some range of motion and decreasing the pain. The doctor asked me if the personal accounts I’d read online gave any indication of the difference in pain and ROM, etc. pre-op versus post-op. I told him that most of them were pleased with their surgery results because the pain was virtually gone (unless they overdid it and tried to perform headstands or something) but that there was some residual loss in ROM or strength, but less so in the case of the titanium implant - which is why, I said, I was asking him about that specifically.

He also mentioned that he was considering a new type of external fixation, but I just looked that up (at least the current or “old” version) and it’s got a minimum healing time of 6-8 weeks, which I’d spend with a large metal device mounted to the outside of my arm with pins sticking into my bones at the wrist and forearm, and which I’d have to clean vigorously to prevent my skin from grafting to the metal pins.

That, to me, seems like it would greatly decrease my usefulness in the real world. Unlike the woman who posted her experience with an external fixator on the Kienbock’s website, I don’t have a wonderful fiance who’d make it easy for me and take care of things… or give me a sponge bath… or comb my hair.

Tomorrow is Thursday already and I think I have an appointment with my other doctor tomorrow night… but I have to call and make sure since I didn’t get a confirmation phone call tonight, but I think they’re closed on Wednesdays. It certainly won’t hurt to call tomorrow afternoon… and if the appointment is for Friday, I’ll be OK too. I just need to see the doctor since today was also less than pleasant… but I won’t go into that. There was drama; I was treated like 13-year old; I cried in the bookstore.

But I talked to Theresa and she gave me some good advice and reminded me that I am an OK person and made me feel warm and happy. I was telling her that while the natural “unnatural” inclination during a depressive episode is to withdraw and recede from the world, it’s really not the best thing to do and that spending time with a good friend is as good as, if not better than, taking an anti-depressant since it naturally stimulates those happy neurochemicals and generates that sort of “contact high” from being around someone who cares about you… even when you don’t exactly care about yourself too much at the moment. So, she told me to call her even if I don’t feel like it… because it will be good for me.

And I discovered my new favorite kind of tea at Barnes and Noble - Harney and Sons “Bangkok Blend” green tea. It’s green tea flavored with coconut and ginger. I had it with a bit of honey and it was divine. I’ll have to ask my sister to get me a few tins on her next employee appreciation day, which should be coming up in October or November.

Well, I took my sleeping pills at about 10:30, so they’re going to be kicking in sooner rather than later and I need to try and get up early tomorrow since I’ve been oversleeping these past three days. Not good. There might also be an argument awaiting me in the morning, so I’d best be prepared for that, too. Happy happy, joy joy.