The all-encompassing “they” manufacture and sell appetite suppressants - to suppress something (appetite) that’s very normal and natural.

“They” don’t, however, manufacture or sell thought suppressants. Well, at least over-the-counter. Some thoughts are not normal and are not natural. I could use thought suppressants sometimes - and not even to suppress dangerous or self-destructive thoughts. Just the ones that make me feel like I’ve got additional mental issues.

What brings this on? Well, earlier this week, my friend asked me if I’d come along to a BBQ he’s attending tomorrow. I agreed to go since I don’t have any other plans, but when I spoke to him today I got a fuller picture of the event and stupid thoughts are coming into my head.

Basically, it’s a BBQ hosted by some friends of his from law school. I’ve met them and they’re nice people. When I spoke to him today, he let me know that we’d have to leave a little earlier than usual to meet up with two other people from law school, who he wasn’t sure I’d “click” with. So… the stupid question that pops into my mind:

Why does he even want to bring me along?

Sure, we’re friends and I’m OK company - but he’s going to be surrounded by people he knows from law school who will have a good amount in common with him and plenty to discuss. Additionally, if he happened to meet a chick there who he grew interested in, having to explain me away (”she’s just a friend”) would cramp his style a little. Also, knowing my friend, he’s not someone who has a phobia about attending social functions alone; he’s usually better off alone, as far as I can tell/know/sense/have seen. Attending a wedding where you don’t know anyone is one thing; attending a BBQ where you’ll know several people is entirely different. The one merits bringing company so you have someone to talk to. The other? Not so much.

I’m thinking that this might be an effort to get ME to meet new people, but it’s not really necessary since I am meeting new people at work and expanding my social circle that way (not with an eye on relationships, mind you - just in general). I often have a problem with meeting new people in a non-work situation because I’m almost crippled by the feeling that they’ll refer to me as “the fat girl that so-and-so brought with him.” Realistically, this is not how I’ll be recalled; I’ll be “so-and-so’s friend” or “the girl with the cool glasses.” But still, I have trouble shaking that feeling. At least in work-related situations, I can be referred to as “the girl who works with so-and-so” or “girl who sits next to…” or “girl who handles…” or “that girl who’s always so damn chipper.”

Don’t get me wrong - I’m glad to go tomorrow and have something to do. I just hate that I’m even entertaining these questions in my mind. Grrr.

My CAT scan films are pretty cool-looking. I might see if I can scan them in tomorrow (er…today) and post them up on the new photo gallery section I’m working on loading up. Look for that link soon - on the main page and in the body of a rant/announcement.

It’s after midnight. I’m going to watch “The Lady Eve” with Barbara Stanwyck and Henry Fonda and call it a night.