That’s a Gandhi quote. I guess it’s sort of a testament to the power of positive thinking or creative visualization. If I keep telling myself that I will be OK and come to expect that I will be OK, then I’ll be OK?

Why do I doubt that almost entirely?

I expect myself to be a millionaire… but the fact is that I don’t have the cut-throat nature or the dumb luck for that to happen. Yay, pessimism.

I came close to crying at work today - for no solid reason. I just had to turn into the corner of my cubicle, rest my face in my hands and breathe deeply until the burning in my eyes passed. I had to dab my eyes with a tissue, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could’ve been. I even wore more detailed eye makeup than usual (liquid liner and mascara and shadow) so that I’d be less likely to cry.

I’m going to try not to belabor the point that I am depressed and instead relate two anecdotes from my day:

1) On the drive home from work, I was stuck in obscenely bad traffic. While I was sitting there, I was observing the other cars and drivers and how these people were dealing with the traffic at a total stand-still. One driver of an SUV caught my eye because he was talking on his cell phone and laughing VERY loudly. He drove up past me on my right and then I saw his gas tank cover.

On the gas tank cover of his huge Ford Expedition (14/19 mpg), he’d placed an American flag magnet with the yellow “support our troops” ribbon next to it. ON THE COVER OF HIS GAS TANK.

If I wasn’t positive that the guy was completely oblivious to the irony, I’d be cheering his wry sense of humor. Alas, I don’t think that is the case. I suppose he just didn’t have enough room around his spare tire to display the decal proudly enough.

2) Two words that are pretty important and often overlooked: “thanks, but…”

I forwarded someone an email about a topic I thought they would be interested in and find useful. Rather than writing back, “Thanks, but I already [...get this newsletter, saw this movie, etc.]“, they just wrote back one line, with no greeting and no closing, essentially:

“I already got this.”

I’m sure that a large part of my feeling annoyed about this perceived rudeness has to do with my mental state. I am just anticipating being treated like shit since, past experience has shown me, people don’t like being around me when I’m “this” way. Perhaps I’m doing it to myself. I am crazy, after all. But I think that when you write someone about something you know they’re interested in, that’s a pretty safe thing to do… and doesn’t warrant a dismissive response.

I’ll get over it.