I had SUCH a good day until I got home.
Work was good… driving around errand-running was good… going to Century 21 with Theresa (although I didn’t buy a single thing) was good.

DIGRESSION: We went to Century 21 in Morristown today with the express purpose of shoe-shopping. I wanted to do a little celebratory spree. I was ready to come home with multiple shopping bags. I was. But I found nothing… not a pair of shoes or a wallet or jewelry that was irresistible. Theresa, who hadn’t planned on buying anything, ended up with a dress, a bathing suit and some hosiery. She also found a cute pink clutch purse AND found that the Kate Spade purse she’d been lusting after was on clearance for 50% off… from $200+change to just over $100. She displayed admirable self-control and only bought the dress, bathing suit and hosiery.

It’s some law of the shopping universe: when you walk into a store with the intention of purchasing something specific or with a nice wad of cash to spend, you won’t find a thing to buy. It’ll be like “Brewster’s Millions” - you can’t seem to get rid of the money no matter how you try (and you don’t have that “no asset” caveat either). It’s sort of disheartening; walking in ready to consume and not being able to consume. At this moment, I can feel the pain of Captain Barbossa (played by Geoffrey Rush) when he speaks these lines:

For too long have I been parched of thirst yet unable to quench it.
Too long I’ve been starving to death and haven’t died.

However, if you walk into a store not intending to buy anything, OR if you walk into a store when you have no money to spend,that’s when you’ll find shoes that are gorgeous and comfortable, clothing that fits you perfectly, great accessories and amazing things on sale. Of course, in each case - it will be the last piece of that item in your size or color, thus removing the “I can come back later” excuse from your brain. It’s hard. I’ve learned to mourn these things briefly and move on.

Then I drove home in the car, enjoying the “cooler” 87 degree temperature. Note - the car doesn’t have functional air conditioning at the present, until next week when I take it to the shop. I got home. My father and mother were basically waiting for me, and started interrogating me as to where I was the whole time and why didn’t I call, “we were worrying”, etc. They ended up fighting about it since my father whipped out the, “as long as you live under this roof…” card… and my mother argued that point since, um, it was 8:30. Though she did take time out later to give me the, “it’s different because you’re a girl and things are more dangerous.”

It was 8:30. I am 28. WHETHER OR NOT I CAN AFFORD TO DO IT RIGHT NOW, I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE ASAP. It won’t end until I’m not under this roof in any way anymore.

I will figure this out and it will happen. Sigh. I’m the only one who can change this. They’re not going to change the way they act or think of me - it’s time to get out again. There has to be a way to manage it all… lots of people do it with less money. True, I have debts to pay off, but I have to find balance and work it out so I can still be responsible for those but also get out on my own again.

Season 3 of “The Golden Girls” arrived from Netflix today… it contains one of my favorite episodes: where a little girl scout (not a Girl Scout) does some work for the girls. Blanche gives her Rose’s teddy bear Fernando as ‘payment’. When Rose learns that the bear is missing, she freaks out since he’s been her ‘friend’ since childhood. Dorothy and Blanche try to get the bear back from the girl, but she’s holding him for ransom - sends them a cut-off bear ear, demands a bicycle and eventually cash in return for the bear. Finally, she comes to the house to get ransom from Blanche and Rose is there; Rose gives the girl a speech about the unfairness of life, and how she’s willing to accept that her time with Fernando has come to an end. Then she pulls the bear out of the girl’s hands and shoves her out the front door. Classic.

OK. I can relax. That’s not permission I’m granting myself, but just stating that it’s something I have the ability to do. I’ve cooled down from the arguing earlier. It’s almost 11:00. Need sleep. Let me share one thing: http://www.bravia-advert.com/. I saw this commercial for about 2 seconds on BBC World while I was sick in bed in Tunisia. I didn’t know what it was for, or who was performing the song… but it came across my path tonight when I was browsing sites using Stumbleupon. Finally! Now I know who performs the song and what it’s called and I can check iTunes and buy it.

I can also take my jar of change to the Coinstar machine at some point and exchange the change for an iTunes or Amazon.com gift certificate (and not have to pay the “service” fee). That’s a smart idea. I wonder who came up with those partnerships and arranged that magic.

Tomorrow after work, I am supposed to go into NYC for drinks with some work-folk. Thus, I have to allow some time in the morning to stop at the bank and get cash for drinks, food and incidentals (public transportation or recharging my Metrocard, anyway). Yes, you might say that this is one area where I could trim the fat, so to speak, with spending money.

However, the truth is that I don’t get out much for socializing, especially in a group. I don’t have to spend a ton of money (I’m a one-drink girl). This is the perfect opportunity: going out with work-folk is good because I like these people and want to get to know them better (since I am still sort of the new kid and technically in a different department, though I work with all of them). I often think that I need to extend my sphere of acquaintances; they might turn into friends.

iPod is charging, a/c is running, and I am going to go brush my teeth.