I started reading a travel book on Thailand today. I’m not going there anytime soon, but I’d like to someday. It never hurts to read up on a place.

However, my use of Phuket Bay is far more crass. I have been dropping “F” bombs today like they’re going out of style. If they were ever in style, that is. Right now, the BIG “F!!!” is that I can’t fall asleep. The completion of that paper released some endorphins or adrenaline or something and I am wide-ass-awake.

I finished the paper by 11:04 - featuring the worst “conclusion” I’ve ever written since I’m entirely unused to writing papers that don’t require a thesis or conclusion or “thread” woven through the entire paper. I have an incredibly difficult time drawing to a close when I feel like I’ve already been repeating myself for 14 pages prior to that point.

So, right now, I’m just annoyed as hell since I can’t relax and chill. I watched two episodes of “Grey’s Anatomy” on DVD, and now I’m watching “X-Men 2″ on FX since it’s something I’ve seen several times and can sort of tune out while watching. I tried reading, but I can’t concentrate right now. I’ve been reading and writing analytical text all night.

If I had a great picture book… THAT would work. I need to get some more art books or coffee table type books that aren’t quite as huge and tome-like as the coffee table books I already own. I need something that I can flip through mindlessly and just enjoy for the sake of the pretty pictures.

It would be divine if I could fall asleep since I have a short day at work tomorrow and I’m driving into work in the morning so I can leave at 3 to make my visit with the orthopedist at 4. Tomorrow, I think I will find out that I need surgery and might be able to discuss all the details, etc., that go with it. I’ll bring a notepad just in case.

Alas, I’m AWAKE. SO AWAKE. Not even yawning or affected by droopy tired eyelids. I was just in the bathroom doing some maintenance tweezing on my eyebrows. I’d do my nails but I know that I’ll probably get sleepy 5 minutes later and end up totally botching up the whole paint job.

Oh, these are the thoughts that run through this girl’s mind when it begins to unwind.

Hey, that might be a good line to use in a poem. Yeah… I’m putting that into my poetry journal and I’ll see where it takes me. I should re-start my “idea box.” Back in the college days of creative writing class, I had one of those index card files full of index cards. Whenever I came up with a line or snippet of text to use in a poem, learned a new word that sounded great or meant something cool, misheard something that ended up being a really cool bit of serendipity or learned a new poetry form, I’d jot it down or paste it to an index card and keep it in the file. When I felt some writer’s block creeping in, I’d pull out some cards and just flip through them or rearrange them until something “took.” Sometimes, it would lead nowhere; other times, I’d end up on a writing jag and create a magnum opus that would make Milton blush.

Except that last part. That’s a lie.

I just found the box of index cards. It was in my office supply drawer and there are about 30 good index cards of ideas in there already. The rest are blank. Depending on my mood, that can either mean “Look at all that potential for creativity!” or “How pathetic. I can’t even fill up 50 index cards with ideas.”

For tonight, I’m going to go with potential and jot down some ideas. Maybe that will help me settle into sleep.