I am finished with paper-writing for today. I worked on the paper and have about 5 pages done, but I have a lot more analysis and comparison to conduct. The only problem is that I just don’t feel like doing it.

I sat here a little earlier, on the verge of tears, saying to myself, “I know I can do it — I just don’t want to right now.” The only reason to get it done today is so I can submit it to my professor as a draft for review. However, I’m stressing far too much over getting it done “now” for this to be fruitful. I’m calling it quits for tonight, though I have a good solid outline. All that remains to be done is “fill-in-the-blanks” work (finishing up information in my outline) and double-checking citations. I should be able to finish it up tomorrow night, Tuesday night and even Wednesday since it’s due by 11:59 p.m. that night. I intend on having it finished tomorrow, though. Too many other things to do.

The paper can be submitted via email in a .rtf document, or posted online. I’m opting for the latter since I have three charts/tables to include and can also include links in the paper this way.

So… yeah. I popped out to the pharmacy before and got my monthly bunch’o'meds. Even with insurance, it cost me $95.00 for my three scripts, and then I let myself get some facial cleanser, Band-Aids and birthday cards for three upcoming birthdays - other than my own, obviously. All told, it was $115 and change. Ugh. I mean, it’s good to know that I have more than enough money in my bank account to cover that, but it’s still a lot of money to spend at CVS. I could have gotten several pairs of jeans or a pair or two of nice shoes for that amount of money. However, my sanity and ability to sleep are slightly more important.

I think I have to admit that part of my recent depressive state is due to my impending birthday. It’s rough; thinking about where I was when I was 23 and now where I am with 28 just a couple of weeks away.

When I was 23, I had an apartment of my own, a pretty active social life (no dating, but it was OK), a job I liked, a car of my own, and the energy to exercise daily - which resulted in my being a size 7/8.

On the cusp of 28, I’m still back at home, have almost no social life, a job I love (one of two positives), driving the family minivan, am attending grad school (positive #2), close to no energy to exercise, and about 60 pounds I need to lose. No joke… to meet the requirements set forth by the government for my height, anyway. Yup. I don’t agree with those guidelines. I’d look emaciated if I weighed what I’m “supposed” to weigh for my height. So, I won’t lose that much. I don’t feel I need to. Losing 2/3 of that would get me back down to a size 7/8.

It’s 8:30. I’m going to put on a movie and get into bed. If I wake up early enough tomorrow, maybe I’ll guilt myself into some treadmill time. Then again, I didn’t eat much at all today, so I might wake up ravenous. Right now, I’m too stressed to have much of an appetite.

And my wrist hurts. A lot. Probably from all the typing. I have that follow-up visit with the doctor on Tuesday afternoon. We shall see what it all means.