I’ve been feeling crappy for several days (mentally now, not physically, though the one does have power over the other if you recall yesterday’s post) so I’m trying one technique which is to do things “outside” (put on a happy face, as the song says) that might then bleed inside and improve my mood. I’ll let you know how that goes. For now, it’s a very fleeting respite from the crap-storm in my head.

One goal was to get some exercise tonight (because we know that exercise and a routine are as good as, if not sometimes better than, anti-depressant medication), so when my friend from the rock gym said he’d be there and willing to belay for me, that cemented my evening plans. Even if it was only an hour of climbing, it was a solid hour, I did some good climbing, and broke a crazy sweat (and now I am cold and need to shower). Having that sense of accomplishment helped improve my mood a little.

Before I left, I changed my Facebook status from something a little sad to the following:

I was referring to the fact that the last two times I climbed, I tore holes in the palms of my hands. The original time was painful enough, but tearing the partially healed “flappers” was even worse. That time (last Monday) when I went to rinse the ick off my hands in the bathroom at the gym, I actually cried because the water hitting my hands stung so badly. I normally have a very high tolerance for pain - but that was just too much. My hands aren’t as tough as those of my climbing friends; they’ve been at it for years and have rough hides, like so many forest creatures (or hippopotami.) So that experience for them is a distant, faded memory… as some woman say childbirth becomes.

Either way, thinking about my bloody palms called to mind the stigmata and -boom- I’m moderately irreverent. I’m hoping most people just find it confusing, that those who should get it do, and that I don’t horribly offend anyone. Considering that the only comment on that status so far is, “Um, what?”, I’m not sure which I’ve done. Hopefully #1.

So, other things I’m going to try to do include climbing again tomorrow since I have a visit with the doctor on Thursday night. I’ll bring my camera to work to take some photos since I’ve noticed that the view outside of the office looking out over the Hudson River and the NYC skyline is quite lovely in the twilight hours (since 5pm is quite dark these days) and I should capture that now. I’m going to count down the days until this weekend when I’ll get to see friends. That should carry me through.

And tomorrow is Wednesday already, after all. I hate to be “working for the weekend” because it’s such a ridiculous cliche, but there’s a reason it’s cliche. That said, it’s still a shitty realization.

Now, warm shower before my muscles start hurting.