So I’ve got some rollover vacation days to use up this month, and today was one of them. As a result of a largely sleepless weekend (petsitting, a noisy downstairs neighbor whom I’ve dubbed “Keith” because of his physical similarity to that member of The Prodigy - pictured left, police involvement, and a 3 a.m. confrontation with Keith that was resolved peacefully) I caught up on my sleep today - by way of sleeping until 11:11.

Thus, the likelihood of getting my car in for an oil change was slim. I called a few places anyway. It seems that I spoke to the same guy no matter where I called; a sleepy young man who (I imagine) looked away from the magazine he was flipping through just long enough to say, “yeah, no one’s even gonna be able to touch it for at least another two hours.”

Harrumph.

Plan B: shopping. There was a need for some work clothing (pants), some socks, shampoo, circular knitting needles, bumble and bumble tonic spray, and the pharmacy. I brought along a totebag to avoid getting 5 or 10 more plastic shopping bags that I absolutely don’t need. This proved far more difficult than I thought possible.

I didn’t bring the totebag into stores with me because that would be suspicious and I’d just be asking for trouble; it’s one thing in a foodstore, but quite another in a clothing or craft store. That wasn’t the problem.

My first stop was for shampoo and b&b spray. “I don’t need a bag, thanks.” Not a problem. The cashier gave me the receipt and sent me on my way. Done and done, in the totebag.

Stop #2: craft store for circular knitting needles. The distracted teenage cashier put them in a bag despite my saying I didn’t need one, but that was more because she was talking to her co-worker. When I reiterated my desire to remain bagless, she took the needles out of the bag and handed them to me with the receipt. Lovely.

Stop #3: pharmacy for the pill. This is well into the realm of TMI, but it’s for a purpose, so bear with me. Some birth control pills come in a lovely little clamshell case; I actually bought a reusable one with a “fun fashion design.” So when I go to the pharmacy and they give me the faded Pepto-Bismol pink clamshell case in addition to the pill refill, I tell them that I don’t need it and specifically ask them not to give it to me. It’s a wasted chunk of non-recyclable plastic. I told the pharmacist today the same thing; she looked at me as if I’d said, “I would like to give you $500 for that tube of lip balm.” Seriously - it made me feel like I might be a little crazy and perhaps not actually speaking the words I thought I was.

She stammered and said, “But it goes with it.”
I said, “Yes, I know - but they don’t come together and I already have one. I really don’t need it.”
Pharmacist: But they go together.
Me: I really don’t need it, though. Just the pills are fine. I already have a case.

She shrugged and told me how much money I’d have to hemorrhage for this particular prescription and while I was getting my card from my wallet, she placed the little “here are the ways this drug could possibly kill you” paper and meds into the paper privacy bag. I also told her I didn’t need a plastic bag, and that elicited an “OK.”

As I walked to the car, I noticed that the bag felt a little heavy for a small ring of tiny birth control pills. Lo and behold, she’d thrown in the stupid plastic clamshell case anyway - apparently while I was distracted getting out my method of payment. That was some mighty great customer service there. Truly.

Stop #4: clothing store #1. I found pants and a shirt. Again, went to the cash register and told the clerk that I did not need a shopping bag. She asked me if I was sure, and I said yes - that I was parked right outside and had enough bags already. “Oh,” said she, and I said, “I don’t think anyone will have a problem as long as I have my receipt on my way out, right?” (Clearly, but it’s the sort of silly obvious comment you sometimes have to make to clarify your point without sounding possibly bitchy.) No problem and I walked out with clothing, paper and no bag.

Stop #5: clothing store #2. Two pairs of pants. I said, “I don’t need a bag.”
[cashier double-take]: You don’t need a bag?”
Me: No thanks. I have so many already, it’s just a waste.
Cashier: Are you sure, hon? You really don’t want a bag?
Me: I’m good. I’ll be fine with just the receipt.
Cashier: The bag will be easier to carry.
Me: It’s fine. I’m parked right outside.
Cashier: OK. If you’re sure.
Me: Yes I am, thanks! (getting a little testy here)

Stop #6: Whole Foods for a box of ginger snaps, salad from the salad bar and a box of chamomile & lavender tea. The cashier asked what kind of bag I wanted. I said, “none.” She nodded in assent, took my money and told me to have a nice day.

That’s totally the way to do it, but I wouldn’t really expect much less from yuppie-hippie central. Trader Joe’s is also really great about this (similar demographic, too, surprise-surprise).

It just goes to show how far we have to go before being less wasteful or somewhat environmentally conscious is understood and not viewed as crazy person behavior. I was telling my like-minded friends about this whole voyage and one suggested, “You should’ve just said ‘I don’t need a bag - I’m a hippie’. That would probably work.” Maybe. But it’s annoying to have to waste breath on any sort of explanation, justification, clarification, etc. for something this simple.

It crosses over into customer service territory. Having been on the other side of the register back in my bookstore days, I know you’re riding on auto-pilot some of the time and shoving things into a bag is simply part of the assembly line process. But the customer service part isn’t hard if you keep a single neuron firing; if someone was only buying a magazine, I’d ask, “Do you even want a bag?” More often than not, they’d pause and say, “Nah, I don’t need one just for this.” Yes, sometimes they’d say, “You’d better give me one - I’ll be going into other stores.” Fair enough - but let the customer make that call.

I’d best get to sleep. There might be pills involved. Waking up at 11 doesn’t bode well for falling asleep at a decent hour tonight without chemical intervention.