It’s been a while since I’ve felt myself slipping down into a depression; I hope this isn’t happening now and that this is just stress taking its toll and that having at least one weekend day to recuperate before doing it for another five days will help. I need a break.
Right now, all I can think about it how much I have to do, how everything seems insurmountable, how I can’t shut off my brain, how I need to find some sleeping pills or I’m really screwed for tomorrow, how isolated and disconnected and alone I’ve been feeling lately. Part of it is this modern age; part of it is how I function.
I’m not firing on all cylinders. I’m forgetting things. I’m making mistakes. I’m fidgety and anxious and emotional. My mental and verbal filters aren’t functioning properly. I am exhausted. I am angry. I am sad. I can’t sleep. I have no appetite. I open the fridge and stare at the shelves full of food but find myself disgusted at the thought of any of it. I am hungry. I am uncomfortable and unsettled. I lack the desire to do anything. I am entertaining the idea of canceling weekend plans and have already bowed out of two upcoming events because I know I won’t be able to deal with large groups of people in this mental state. I’m done with this.
All I can hope is that this is stress-induced and not “the real thing.” Because that would really suck.