It’s looking like I really won’t have the financial resources to do what I wanted to do in terms of Christmas presents for family and friends. I’m going to have to get crafty and make things for my friends – whether that ends up being a cheesecake or a scarf or a picture frame will be determined as I get working on things – and buy the less costly gifts on my family member’s Christmas gifts.

If I want to get out of the debt I am still in, I have to scale back things I usually go a little wacky on – like Christmas. I am a materialistic person and can admit that fully. I like spending money on gifts for my friends and family, not because I want to impress them with something ostentatious, but because I like to give them things I know they’ll like and pride myself on being a good gift-giver. If I find something else they’d like even after I buy the initial gift, I’ll pick up the other item as an ancillary gift. Because, somewhat sadly, I like to make people smile and feel that sometimes the only way to do that is through sheer numbers of well-chosen gifts because that guarantees more smiles.

I’m sure there are lots of psychological underpinnings here… being an eldest child and trying to please people and make them happy and being an overachiever… but I am far too tired to delve into that right now.

My afternoon spent with Theresa and Kofi was nice. We had a lot of laughs and it was great to spend time with friends after spending so much time arguing with family this weekend – as with all others. Then I got home and was left to decorating the Christmas tree on my own. Family members returned and complained that the lights were too close to the center of the tree, to which I replied that with a pine with soft needles, I can’t have things on the outskirts of the tree since they pull down on it terribly. Ha. So there.

Still, going through that effort and then having everyone just complain is rather disheartening. Then my father gave me what I THINK was supposed to be a compliment. This was issued in Polish, so realize this is a translation. I was standing in the kitchen and my mother and father were both there unloading groceries. My father looked at me and commented to my mother, “You know, even though she’s gotten really fat and round, she still has a decent shape.”

THANKS. I’M IN THE ROOM. Referring to me in the third person is greatly appreciated. Honestly, he meant this well and not cruelly, but it’s a little hard to take it any other way. He’s just totally inept when it comes to things like this and was smiling as though he was proud of me when he said it… sort of like, “all hope is not lost for my fat daughter – she still has a discernable waist!” Perhaps I’m reading into it, but I’ve known the man for almost 28 years. I think I can gauge what’s going on.

Sigh. Many things conspired to put me in the sour mood I’m in right now. I’m going to do some Pilates and then start knitting a new scarf for one of my Christmas presents. Tomorrow I will probably stop at the yarn store and buy a few more skeins for the remaining presents I have to make. I can knit scarves pretty quickly, thank goodness.

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