The conductor on the train home was conversing with some passengers about an apparent rash of suicides that have occurred over the last few weeks on NJ Transit rail lines. There have been 4 in the past 6 weeks or something to that effect. I haven’t been watching the news in quite some time, so it may have escaped my awareness entirely – and it doesn’t end up in Time Magazine on or Google News, my usual sources.

One of the female passengers involved in the conversation mentioned that it was interesting that all the suicides were men – that women prefer “easier” non-violent forms of suicide… quoth she, “I’d just take a bunch of pills and have a nice rest. I might need my body in the afterlife. Who knows? Besides, I want to look pretty when they lay me out – not missing an arm or an eye or whatever.”

The conductor, a female, mentioned that she and the other conductors were discussing this last week after the most recent suicide. She told her fellow conductor that if things got bad enough in her life for suicide to be an option, “I’d beg first. You’d see me in Penn Station with a little cup, going ‘Can ya help a sistah?’ I wouldn’t be killing myself.”

And I thought… sometimes that’s not what it’s about. Suicide isn’t always, “Oh, things are bad financially. Time to end it.” More often than not, it’s because there’s a mental illness plaguing an individual and it goes untreated or the treatment that person is receiving isn’t enough. As far as mental illness portion of the program, I know of what I speak. I also thought to myself that no matter how bad things were for me, I wouldn’t beg. If things in my life were at a point where the only choices I could envision for my future were suicide or begging, I would choose the former. That’s something I can say rather honestly and admit that it would be a cowardly and “easy” thing to do. I would take the easy way out at that point.

Thankfully, this is not something I can see happening or being a choice in my life at any point. The pendulum is swinging in not-that-direction.

There are rumors of a snowstorm for Friday this week. We’ll see if this one comes to fruition since the last one was a cruel hoax. I’m hoping we do get it… it would be a nice little treat.

I brought a salad to work for lunch today. It was lettuce, tomatoes, red peppers, artichoke hearts, olives and then some couscous and parsley. I noticed that I’m a little funny when eating salad and will “save” a favorite vegetable or portion of salad for the last bite so I am left with the lingering flavor of what I like best. It’s almost like setting aside a “dessert” portion of salad. In today’s salad, my “dessert” was an olive. Had there been more tomato, I would’ve saved tomato.

Does anyone else perform this sort of strange ritual with salad or soup or anything?

I got to be uber-creative at work today. I spent almost all morning “beefing up” a pre-existing piece of writing: editing, adding content, researching details and writing. It was lots of fun; I just hope I wrote something that my boss will deem palatable and fit for production.

Here’s another picture that makes me happy. I got another view of this walking up the front steps when I got home and decided to take a picture and capture this image:


That’s our Christmas tree. My family complains because it’s about half the height it usually is, but I think it’s just fine and dandy.

I am a tired and sleepy girl yet again this evening. Perhaps it’s the impending storm or stormy conditions brewing. The barometer is falling and my sinuses are sensitive to such things. My head just feels heavy and I feel lethargic. I can’t go to bed just yet. That would be nonsensical. I’d wake up at 4 in the morning and feel all messed up.

I have three new Netflix to watch, so I think I’ll start with a Hitchcock flick – “Rope”.

One thought on ““I’d beg first…”

  1. hey gonna try that gelatin biore strip u posted
    here’s to all those weird things us gurlz do!!!

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