My friend Theresa called me this evening to share the details of her crappy day.
However, I think it wasn’t that crappy because she may have SAVED THE WORLD! You see, on the way home from dance class she realized that she forgot her coat and some dude was tailgating her and she was all like, “Dude! Get off my ass!” and was getting ready to slow down when – SUDDENLY! – some huge beast jumped out of the New Hampshire woods and hit her little Toyota Echo with its ass – or rather, its ass was hit by the Toyota.
Theresa pulled over and the tailgater sped by. Theresa, thankfully, was OK – a little shaken, but OK. She doubled back to see what she’d hit, terrified that it was some family’s HUGE dog or a bear… and there was nothing there. Whatever the beast was, it was large enough to be unfazed by a collision with a car and merely urinated out of fright since Theresa’s windshield was covered in some transparent liquid.
Now – here’s what we decided. The beast wasn’t a dog since a dog would’ve been injured by a collision with a car. It wasn’t a moose since it wasn’t THAT big. It wasn’t a bear because it wasn’t that big either. And it wasn’t that fast, though bears have been known to book… but not like that on a highway at night.
Had Theresa not been watching episodes of “Buffy” earlier, she would have missed this altogether – but it was determined by our scientific panel (that’s Theresa and me) that the mysterious beast was a werewolf.
That’s right. This evening, Miss Theresa saved the state of New Hampshire, and quite possibly the United States, from invasion by werewolves with bladder incontinence issues.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have taken two decongestant tablets before talking to Theresa. Perhaps this conversation didn’t actually happen. I’ll have to rely upon any comments from Theresa in this forum to vouch for the veracity of this tale.
(I wrote more earlier, before the medicine. Check it out…)