Today was just one of those days where things did not go right. Or even correctly. I couldn’t sleep last night, took some pills, still couldn’t sleep and then overslept this morning. That meant that I missed the earlier train, barely had time to shower, did NOT have time to iron nice pants and a nice shirt to look presentable for the sales conference, did not have time to put on makeup to cover up the three huge period zits on my face, did not have time for breakfast or to bring lunch, and not time to stop at the bank.

I then got to the train station to discover that there were no parking spaces left (since I missed that earlier train) and had to park like an asshole next to an SUV that was so outside of its parking space that I had to get out the passenger side back door where there was no car and no tree blocking me.

I felt absolutely nauseated during the whole train ride because of the residual sleeping pills in my system, lack of sleep and breakfast and stress. Got to work, unwound a little, had lunch with Krys (she spotted my po’ ass since I had $3 in quarters for the PATH train – and I can spot her later this week, so it works out.)

Then my boss and I went over to the hotel/conference site. Due to my lack of time to iron things, I wasn’t dressed as nicely as anyone and felt like the gross little troll person they brought along to lug things around. The meeting was long, but OK. I just felt uncomfortable the whole time in my clothing and skin and makeup (or lack thereof) and zits. My work friend Kara took my name label sticker and above my name wrote “I ♥” and then below it wrote, “4-evah.” That made me smile and I stuck it on my nice work notebook.

After that, I went back to the PATH to get into Hoboken again to catch the train and that was OK. I was feeling a little light-headed and nauseated from the heat in the PATH and being overdressed for it and being dehydrated and hungry, but whatever. I knew I was going to be home soon and able to eat dinner and do laundry and even drive to the auto parts store and pick up my sideview mirror.


I went to turn on the car and the battery was dead.

In my rush to get out of the car this morning through the back side door and hearing the train coming, I forgot to turn off my headlights entirely (the low setting, not full night driving, and I don’t have daytime running lights, so they didn’t turn off themselves.) So, they were on all day draining my battery. The woman parked next to me asked me if I could move my car since she needed to get in through her passenger door (the SUV that was parked really really close to me since she parked over her dividing lines? Remember from paragraph 2?) and her driver’s side lock was broken.

This was sadly comedic in that her lock was broken and my battery was dead so I couldn’t even move it for her. She wanted to give me a jumpstart, but had no jumper cables and neither did I. She ended up crawling in through her TRUNK (yes, today was the day I got to make other people embarrass themselves, too.)

I called my brother (who took the day off of work today) and he came over and gave me a jump. Then I drove home, hooked up the charger to the battery in the garage and am sitting here feeling absolutely nauseated and unable to eat a thing knowing that I have no money and my brother is now downstairs propositioning my parents to (I think) co-sign a loan for him so he can buy a house. He’s never even had an apartment or lived outside of this home for any period of time, but he’s the lucky bastard who picked a field that pays him handsomely for his work and is able to consider something like this seriously. I have a few quarters in my wallet until tomorrow; he is looking to buy a house.

So I’m feeling quite literally sick with jealousy, self-pity, self-hatred, anger and all kinds of other tasty things. I am ravenous, but I looked in the fridge before and thought I was going to hurl at the thought of consuming anything since in addition to everything above, I’m also pre-menstrual, clinically depressed, and hating my skin, body, hair, weight and everything else about myself at this particular moment in time.

It’s too bad I’ve never followed through with my plan to stick a $20 bill in a book somewhere in my room so when I have moments like this, I know I’m not penniless and can go buy myself some new nail polish or hair dye or a book and cheer myself up, if only a little. Lesson learned: upon direct deposit of funds tomorrow at midnight and subsequent withdrawal, that $20 bill is going into my copy of either the Annotated Alice in Wonderland or Annotated Wizard of Oz. Prolly the Wizard of Oz because it’s green.

I’m going to drink some tea and have a cracker or something. My laundry should be done soon, and I’ll iron a shirt for tomorrow and life will be peachy. Except that I have to be awake at 5:30 tomorrow to dress up and style my hair and eat breakfast since my first meeting at the sales conference is at 8:30 which means I have to catch a 7 a.m. train to work in Hoboken and then get over to the conference site via PATH train… there is no direct method that’s as cheap or convenient for me in my current impoverished state. PATHETIC. FREAKING PATHETIC.

But things will be better later this week. I never did get through to the bank today about that mystery charge. I have some free hours between meetings tomorrow and I can do that then. Perhaps I’ll have some closure there.

2 thoughts on “I think I’m going to throw up.

  1. Oh, reading today’s entry made me feel sad and helpless. I felt like wiring you a jumper cable and 40 dollars, twenty to cover lunch and train expenses, and another twenty just to cheer ya up.

    I really really hope tomorrow’s gonna be a better day.

  2. You’re NOT a “gross little troll person they brought along to lug things around.” Your supposed zits were not even noticed by your lunch partner, who btw, didn’t spot your “po’ ass.” I was physically unable to spot you anything since yesterday I got up with back spasms and left for work without a pocketbook, an i.d., or any money. My husband had to lend ME $20 – I just shared it with you!!! Sharing makes the world go ’round, right?!?

    How can you embarrass a person who wasn’t even in a parking spot? You parked in a non-spot next to an asshole SUV (not all SUV drivers are assholes, btw!), and that lady parked next to you. So if she was able to get out of her car, how come she couldn’t get back in her car later? Besides, she didn’t embarrass herself – she just provided a bit of comic relief for you, certainly for your dear readers, since I’m chuckling at the image in my head of her crawling through her trunk… Did she crawl out of her trunk???

    If your folks would consider co-signing for a house, why would they not consider co-signing for a car? One with automatic light shut-off. One that already has both mirrors and is small enough to park and not block other vehicles who choose to park next to you after you’re already there?

    Also, my personal suggestion is hide a $20 from every paycheck – in 2 months you’ll have a $100 emergency stash – and everyone can use $100 every once in a while…

    Smile – somebody loves you!

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