Neil Gaiman’s new book, The Graveyard Book, is out. And Mr. Gaiman is on tour. And at every stop, he’s reading a chapter from the book. In order. And then his publisher (HarperCollins) is providing videos of him reading each chapter online. They’re calling it a video tour.

As someone who works in publishing, I think it’s brilliant. It wouldn’t work for the kind of books I work with currently, but it’s brilliant just in general.

As someone who is a bit of a Gaiman fanatic, I think it’s brilliant. He is a great reader (methinks) and it’s wonderful to be able to hear it. Right now, I’m writing and have the video running in another tab so I can listen to him while I’m thinking my thoughts.

This first chapter is absolutely charming. This is aimed at young adults, ages 9-12, but so was his book Coraline and that was creepy as hell. And I loved it. A 3-D movie version of that one is coming soon.

Anyway - check it out. Listen to/watch him read. And note how quiet the audience is. I can only imagine that they’re just as hypnotized by his reading as I am. I admit it - it’s a geeky literary schoolgirl crush. And that’s OK.

I’ve had a post drafted for a few days now - political in nature - but I’m still working on it. In the meantime, allow me to share another reason this country is going to hell; I saw this on the evening news:

Car GPS blamed for train accident

“Jose Silva of White Plains told police that “he did what he was told” by his global positioning system.”

Because the computer is always right. Trust the machine. Common sense be damned. DAMNED!

When it tells you to turn right ONTO the railroad tracks, and into the path of an oncoming train, just do it. I’m sure it will have you make another left or a right soon thereafter to steer you out of harm’s way. It’s just the way the GPS device likes to keep itself amused, see? Playing little tricks on people. “Tee-hee!”, it titters.

Ugh. He’s not the first and he won’t be the last, sad to say. Insert comment about Darwin awards. Insert comment about people relying blindly on technology. Insert comment about how lazy we’ve gotten that now we don’t even want to think for ourselves and think we’re excused when we use “I just did what I was told” cop-out.

Though it does remind me of this clip from “The Office” (it’s a bad clip recorded from a TV, but still - a clip of this segment wasn’t available from the NBC site):

I didn’t mind wasting this time for these two videos. Both movie-related and probably only interesting to a smattering of people. Oh - and both feature Hugo Weaving in some way.

First, someone’s attempt to subtitle a scene from “V for Vendetta” to remove some of the rhetoric and translate it for the internet age.

And then, a little behind-the-scenes featurette from The Transformers movie showing the faces behind the voices of the Autobots and Decepticons. I find this kind of thing interesting. I’m a geek. Whatever.

“…goes to my heaaaaad…” Tell me you don’t sing along when you hear that UB40 song on the radio. Tell me you don’t.

I did some cooking today (a more healthful distraction than most) and prepared some of this Bhutanese red rice I bought a few weeks ago. It’s delicious and nutty and toothsome (is that a word? and am I using it properly? too lazy to check right now) and I think it’s pretty nice-looking, too.

And suddenly, I am craving red wine. I have a few bottles here, but to open one would mean trying to drink it alone tonight and I’m not that much of a woman. Perhaps a gin and tonic. If I have tonic. Which I don’t. Ah, well. Regular old iced tea will suffice.

This morning, I got to work early to get some things done before my cadre of meetings. Because that’s what today was.

I wanted to make myself some tea and then looked at my desk where I normally have my obnoxiously huge but perfectly-sized-really mug that I use for tea. It wasn’t there. And yesterday came flooding back to me… pouring out my tea at the end of the day, rinsing my mug, going to the ladies’ room, putting down the mug on the counter, leaving the ladies’ room…. with the notable exception of forgetting the mug.

WIth all the other stress and feeling down that I’ve been doing, this was a kind of last straw. I just wanted a comforting mug of tea. But I was a bloody moron and I left it in the bathroom where the cleaning people probably took it and threw it out. I don’t forget things. This is not me; I just don’t. I don’t lose keys, misplace papers, forget where I put my glasses. So I’ve been beating myself up all day (between meetings) over the sheer stupidity I exhibited in forgetting my mug, which I’ve had for the three years I’ve been at my job.

It’s stupid and ridiculous and you can laugh; I would laugh too if I weren’t on the brink of depression and insanity, but I almost cried when I realized it was my fault it was gone. I called our corporate services desk to see if it had been turned in to the lost & found or something, but it hadn’t. So it’s gone and I’m angry.

I don’t know whether I should go to Target or Home Goods and see if I can find a new obnoxiously large mug for tea, but this one was perfect. It really really was. And I’m genuinely pissed and upset at myself and this is what I do. I beat myself up over stupid stupid shit like misplacing a mug. Because I should know better. I should remember these little things. That’s what makes me, me. Now I feel too tired and angry to leave the house and deal with people.

Also, I’m not improving mentally. I’ve been thinking things like, “I only get up in the morning and go through the motions every day because it’s expected of me.” I take no joy or pleasure in anything. Food is for sustenance. Sleep is to pass the time between days with some unconsciousness because being conscious exhausts and saddens me. Everything else is Distraction, parading around in its sequined suspenders and platform clown shoes, keeping things noisy so that I’m not left alone with my thoughts. I’m more concerned with letting people down and being seen as irresponsible than I am about how sad it is that I don’t care about anything - and that’s what’s driving me. My heart isn’t in anything. I’m tired of this.

My brother called me while I was on my way home from work. He got food poisoning from some bad shrimp and asked me to get him some Gatorade. So I did, brought it to his apartment, and then left because he just wanted to sleep. It hit me: I am a resource. I am useful. I am here to perform my functions as a sister, daughter, friend, co-worker. I’ll drive you to the airport, notarize your papers, buy you Gatorade, do my job, do your job, take your guilt trip, provide support… whatever. I’m highly proficient at being there and doing stuff. I’m not here to enjoy life and that’s kind of good because I’m really not enjoying it lately.

Lesson 1: a steering wheel does not make a steady tripod.

But the blurry shot is interesting in a “Lost Highway” sort of way.

I’ve been having an exceedingly difficult time thinking of words lately. I feel rather sluggish and stupid. Not good. I also have random phrases and words on repeat in my head for no apparent reason. Like today, the phrase, “you will know us by the trail of our dead.” I couldn’t think of where it was coming from, so I googled it.”And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead” is an art rock band, according to Wikipedia. A band that got its name from a Mayan chant. I don’t know the band and I don’t know much about Mayans. So, that’s not it… but I fully admit that I might’ve read about the band somewhere in my musical discovery travels and the phrase could be sticking with me as a result. It’s just annoying.

What’s also annoying is how stressed and frustrated and absolutely drained of life and energy I’ve been feeling lately. And how alone and disconnected, even more so than last week — since the height of happiness over the weekend that came from attending the birth of my friend’s child is making the current low that much lower. This is why I try not to get my hopes up about things; the higher the hopes, the more dramatic the fall.

I’ve been sighing a lot and crying a lot and generally not myself. None of the usual distractions are doing a good job of distracting me; nothing is fun or enticing or interesting. I am burying myself in work and that’s not good either since that’s just stressing me out more. I’ve been through it enough times at this point. I get it. Textbook depression. This is onset. Sleep disruption, change in appetite (loss), anhedonia (inability to find pleasure in things that are normally pleasurable), crying for no reason, aches and pains, irritability, moodiness, lethargy - and I just feel sort of wrong and empty. I don’t know what’s worse - feeling palpably hollow and cold inside or the anhedonia.

There’s no pleasure to be found in books, friends, movies, food, photography, writing, work, sleep, shopping, talking. None of it. Everything feels burdensome and boring. I’m not generally jaded, but lately? Yes. Nothing feels right.

Even this post sucks and feels wrong. I might delete it in a few days when I feel that it’s a waste of time. Because it’s what I do, like a dog trying to kick dirt up over its shit.

I decide to post something like this:

Tomorrow, I get to work from home. I’ve got some large-scale InDesign work to complete — as well as three mammoth spreadsheets to review and update.

Now that I think about it, one day might not be enough, but I’m trusting that the peace and quiet of an empty house rather than the usual bustle of the office might allow me to get “in the zone” much more quickly and plow through what I have to do.

I do well working from home. I wish I could exercise as much self-discipline when it comes to exercise and physical health as I do with work… and as I did with papers and research in college and grad school. I’m a bit of an introverted endomorph, I suppose, and performing sedentary mental tasks is easier for me.

Anyway, I’m still quite tired from this weekend. I’m going to make some mint tea and settle in for the night. I wish the weather was more fall-like. Today was another day of almost 90 degree weather; I’m ready for fall and the wearing of colorful tights and new boots and long sleeves.