So, here's a little something I've compiled since at the moment I am bored off of my ever-lovin' ass.

When I'm online and either a) don't wish to be bothered, b) am actually otherwise occupied, c) am sleeping or d) have left my computer for an extended period of time, I feel compelled to leave some sort of "away" message for those who might otherwise be calling out to me in vain. Most likely, they don't care and would figure it out on their own, but away messages are sort of fun.

Now, through the magic of cascading style sheets, you can read a bunch of my favorites and use them as you see fit. Some are quotes from Futurama and The Family Guy, some are Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, some are more literary, some are simply things I thought of late at night, and I don't really know what inspired the rest.

Cult Leader: Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?

Fry: You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work but they don't pay you or let you go...

Leela: That's the only thing about being a slave.

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
(Albert Camus)

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
(William Dement)

Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about thinking.
(Clifton Fadiman)

Choke on that, causality!

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
(Carl Jung)

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
(George Bernard Shaw)

Every normal person, in fact, is only normal on the average. His ego approximates to that of the psychotic in some part or other and to a greater or lesser extent.
(Sigmund Freud)

Fry: I'm never gonna get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon, baconated grapefruit, Admiral Crunch.

Leela: Well if you don't like that, try some Archduke Chocula.

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

"That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer..."

Alphabetizing all my tins of tea. What is my problem?

Fast blinking reveals the true visage of time pieces hidden within your eyes.
Here's a random surrealist compliment.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

Sleep is no mean art; for its sake one must stay awake all day.
(Friedrich Nietzsche)

Stewie(reading the Bible): My my, what a thumping good read, lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two by fours. I'll say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh.

Stewie: Well then, my goal becomes clear, the broccoli must die.

Subverting expectations and creating a new world order. Or just hanging with my homes.

The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse.
(Benjamin Franklin)

The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame.
(Oscar Wilde)

The world is spinning in my head, I'm Alice in her Wonderland... tra la la.

The worst things: to be in bed and sleep not; to want for one who comes not; to try to please and please not.
(Egyptian Proverb)

This researchgirl is working on her site. That means lots of windows and lots of memory. I'll get to you when I jolly well can...

Touch is enough to let us know
we're not alone in the universe, even in sleep…
(Adrienne Rich)

Vacancy.

The still drone of the time past midnight. All words put out, men are sunk into the sweetness of sleep. Even the far-flung world has put aside its rages for sleep. Only I am awake.
(Patumanar)

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
(W. H. Auden)

Enjoying some tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

Ennui has made more gamblers than avarice, more drunkards than thirst, and perhaps as many suicides as despair.
(C. C. Colton)

Plotting world domination through the strategic use of crayons and papier mache.

I reached for sleep and drew it round me like a blanket muffling pain and thought together in the merciful dark.
(Mary Stewart)

If thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought.
(George Orwell)

It is better to sleep on things beforehand than lie awake about them afterward.
(Baltasar Gracian)

It is with our passions as it is with fire and water - they are good servants, but bad masters.
(Roger l'Estrange)

It’s the friends you can call up at four a.m. that matter.
(Marlene Dietrich)

It's %t - do you know where your children are?

Leela: How did we manage to survive? What gave us those strange powers?
Fry: Maybe we're all wearing magic rings, but they're invisible rings so we don't even realize it. Also, you can't feel the rings.

Roberto: I'm gonna kill you, you...you no-good fifty-sixing...
Bender: Don't kill me yet! I'm starting to come down with Stockholm symdrome!

Sleep, dear Sleep, sweet harlot of the senses, Delilah of the spirit.
(Christopher Morley)

Waging a war against disorder in my living space...

Admiral: We haven't done anything foolish, have we, Batman?

Batman: Disposing of preatomic submarines to persons who don't even leave their full addresses? Good day, Admiral.

Such are the away messages for now. Please feel free to share some more entertaining ones on the forum or send them to me via email. This is something to do only if you're really REALLY bored.